Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize