I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
