i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
