Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Someone stole a lamp last night.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
