so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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