Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
