At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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