I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
