YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
