last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
