After last night, I could never be a politician.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
