I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
