just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
