this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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