i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
