please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize