Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
