Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
