Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
