I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
