i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
