She is in my trunk
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
