they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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