I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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