The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
