Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
