we have officially lost it.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
