Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
