I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
