I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
