i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
