i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
