i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
how does that bad decision feel?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
