She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
