I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
