i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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