JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
