i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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