literally had 100 drinks last night.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
