Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Randomize
