weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
