Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
