I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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