Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i now understand why vodka
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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