if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
