He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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