i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
she woke up with a sticky ear
they need to just BURY HIM!
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
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