Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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