In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
