when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
