I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
