we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
