so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
