I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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