2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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