I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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