he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
