my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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