You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
