alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
