I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
