Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
her facebook's as public as her vagina
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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