I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
