Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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