his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
