i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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