So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
