ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
