how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
