I think im going to throw up on grandma
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
