I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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