I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
