Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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