a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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