I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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